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20 February 2017 - His Name is Toast.

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1 20 February 2017 - His Name is Toast. on Sun Feb 19, 2017 4:57 pm

Jack

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Admin
This is your son, 15 year old Kevin.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Yes, the cigarette is accurate.

On Friday, Kevin got in trouble with some of his school friends for being in an area that had been announced as off limits - parents will be called. Parents were called, you responded, and boys were paddled.

The reason the area was off-limits is that it has been being used for smoking - tobacco and non-tobacco products. While there was no evidence the boys had been smoking, there was at least a hint it might have happened. The parents decided that tests should be given to see if any of the boys had been.

Kevin had.

Kevin has been in trouble before for smoking, though not in a while. You thought you'd left all that behind when you'd moved about eighteen months ago. Kevin admits that he had stopped for a while, but he just likes one occasionally. He's sure he's going to get a whipping with the strop, and you don't disappoint him.

You check around with the parents of Kevin's friends, but no one smokes where he tends to hang out, so you go to him for answers, but he refuses to tell you where he's been getting them.

What happens next?


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2 Re: 20 February 2017 - His Name is Toast. on Sun Feb 19, 2017 5:30 pm

Adric

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Cowboy
Well gosh - it sounds like I would be asking him to "name names".  Do I really want to do that?  If he says he won't do it anymore, then does it really matter where he got it?  I think I'll just leave it at "You better not do that again or you'll get it a lot worse than you did this time."

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3 Re: 20 February 2017 - His Name is Toast. on Sun Feb 19, 2017 6:16 pm

Iconoclast

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Trailboss
Adric wrote:Well gosh - it sounds like I would be asking him to "name names".  Do I really want to do that?  If he says he won't do it anymore, then does it really matter where he got it?  I think I'll just leave it at "You better not do that again or you'll get it a lot worse than you did this time."

I agree!

Iconoclast

4 Re: 20 February 2017 - His Name is Toast. on Sun Feb 19, 2017 6:28 pm

Beaver

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Wrangler
Adric wrote:Well gosh - it sounds like I would be asking him to "name names".  Do I really want to do that?  If he says he won't do it anymore, then does it really matter where he got it?  I think I'll just leave it at "You better not do that again or you'll get it a lot worse than you did this time."

I agree with Adric and Icono. I won't force him to rat out his pals. Taking the strop to him sure made that smirk disappear from his face, and he won't want to touch a cigarette again in the future.

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5 Re: 20 February 2017 - His Name is Toast. on Sun Feb 19, 2017 9:55 pm

AFinch

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Sherrif
My experience (professional, not personal) is that nicotine is an addiction. If he "likes one occasionally", even a stropping isn't very likely to be permanently effective at making him stop. He's going to have to want to stop. Escalating punishment to the point where it becomes abuse isn't likely to make him want to stop--it IS likely to destroy any relationship we have as parent and child.

If Kevin's usual friends aren't smoking, and their parents are aware of the situation, despite "it takes a village", I'm not sure it's my business to track down his supplier. What IS my business is making sure Kevin doesn't smoke, at least while I'm responsible for him.

He's already had his whipping. With the violation of trust that caused that to happen, he'll also be getting frequent random whiz quizzes and I'll be monitoring his whereabouts pretty closely. Once he's a legal adult, there really is nothing I can do if he WANTS to smoke. Until then, I can make it damned difficult for him to find a cigarette.

6 Re: 20 February 2017 - His Name is Toast. on Sun Feb 19, 2017 10:28 pm

David M. Katz

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Marshall
I can't add much to the consensus.


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7 Re: 20 February 2017 - His Name is Toast. on Mon Feb 20, 2017 2:50 am

ivor

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Marshall
I have no tips to add.

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8 Re: 20 February 2017 - His Name is Toast. on Mon Feb 20, 2017 3:40 am

squarecutter

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Sherrif
No tips but may be try to filter some of the likely suspects out of his life. Its pointless to ask a kid to name names and wrong to attempt to bully him into doing so

9 Re: 20 February 2017 - His Name is Toast. on Mon Feb 20, 2017 3:56 am

Jack

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Without giving any kind of answer, may I point out that, at least in Texas (where this situation occurred), it's actually illegal to provide a minor with a tobacco product? It is only a class C misdemeanor (the same as a speeding ticket), but does that effect anyone's answer?


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10 Re: 20 February 2017 - His Name is Toast. on Mon Feb 20, 2017 4:16 am

ivor

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Marshall
Jack wrote:Without giving any kind of answer, may I point out that, at least in Texas (where this situation occurred), it's actually illegal to provide a minor with a tobacco product?  It is only a class C misdemeanor (the same as a speeding ticket), but does that effect anyone's answer?


I know it is illegal here to sell to a minor but suspect there is no statute covering supply in the sense of either being given by (or giving to) a friend.

In response to your point I'd be more concerned if Kevin was doing the providing rather than being the receiver.

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11 Re: 20 February 2017 - His Name is Toast. on Mon Feb 20, 2017 8:48 am

Emlyn Morgan

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Trailboss
I do look forward to thick slices of toast with lots of butter, when I get back to Britain. The bread here is not suitable for toasting. Moroccan bread, known in Arabic as khobz, is flat and round: broken and used instead of a knife and fork to scoop the meat and vegetables out of a tajin. and mop up the juices.

Anyway, I'm going to whack that boy.

12 Re: 20 February 2017 - His Name is Toast. on Mon Feb 20, 2017 10:34 am

Pi Beta

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Trailboss
I'll second Kier.

13 Re: 20 February 2017 - His Name is Toast. on Mon Feb 20, 2017 2:09 pm

db105

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Trailboss
He already got 'whupped', so apart from a lecture on the health consequences of smoking and a warning that he will be tested in the future we'll leave it at that.

http://www.malespank.net/listAuthor.php?author=Danny

14 Re: 20 February 2017 - His Name is Toast. on Mon Feb 20, 2017 3:21 pm

David M. Katz

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Marshall
Jack wrote:Without giving any kind of answer, may I point out that, at least in Texas (where this situation occurred), it's actually illegal to provide a minor with a tobacco product?  It is only a class C misdemeanor (the same as a speeding ticket), but does that effect anyone's answer?

It doesn't change anything for me. I am still with the "leave it alone" consensus.


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15 Re: 20 February 2017 - His Name is Toast. on Mon Feb 20, 2017 4:25 pm

Jack

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Admin
Yes, this is a follow up to what happened at BCA Friday. Yes, after being paddled at school, then stropped at home less than 12 hours later, he was one sore and sorry boy. On the other hand, David did give him the option of taking the stropping Saturday morning, but Kevin 'just wanted to get it over with'.

David clued me in on most of what happened here, since it effects me pretty directly (he actually asked permission from me first). Kevin swears he doesn't smoke a lot, but nicotine is supposed to clear out after only a few days, unless you do a blood test. Because of that, Kevin is going to be tested again to be sure he's clean (he sure should be).

David did not really ask for Kevin's source (once). He did explain to Kevin that this has to stop. They're talking about health issues, legal issues, and possible consequences, as well as overcoming nicotine addiction (some of it is online research together). In the meantime, because we don't know where Kevin has been getting his cigarettes, he's kind of losing his spending money and kind of grounded.

"Kind of?" you ask.

Yes - he's kept his phone (though he's agreed his dad can review his text messages), he's kept his screen time, and he's allowed to have friends over. What he can't do is leave his home or mine without permission and knowledge of where he's going. Likewise, he'll still be getting an allowance, it just won't be turned over to him all at once. He'll have to get it from a parent when he wants something, except a small amount of spending money.

Right now, he's subject to random testing and searches here and at home. He's not really excited about all this, but I get the feeling he was kind of expecting worse. David has agreed that, if he can stay free until Spring Break (about three weeks), then we'll see about loosening the conditions.


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16 Re: 20 February 2017 - His Name is Toast. on Tue Feb 21, 2017 12:09 pm

jackson1


Wrangler
Did David use an actual strop to administer the whuppin'?

I'm assuming Kevin's whuppin' was administered bare bottom as his paddling at school was?

17 Re: 20 February 2017 - His Name is Toast. on Tue Feb 21, 2017 5:34 pm

Jack

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Admin
jackson1 wrote:Did David use an actual strop to administer the whuppin'?

David has two actual strops - a full sized one, that I believe is used just over jeans, and a smaller one that's used for undressed (and maybe the younger boys as they reach their teens).

I'm assuming Kevin's whuppin' was administered bare bottom as his paddling at school was?[/quote]

Kevin's first taste of the strop on his bare butt was for smoking, so it would surprise me if this one wasn't as well.


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18 Re: 20 February 2017 - His Name is Toast. on Wed Feb 22, 2017 10:52 am

jackson1


Wrangler
You know if those are family heirloom strops or were obtained recently for disciplinary purposes?

Guess strops are not used much these days for sharpening straight-edge razors.

How long ago did Kevin earn that first whuppin for smoking?

19 Re: 20 February 2017 - His Name is Toast. on Wed Feb 22, 2017 5:05 pm

Jack

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Admin
I don't think they were obtained specifically for discipline, but I doubt they're family heirlooms. It never really occurred to me to ask.

You can check the Bartlett Family thread of Kevin's bio, but I think it's been about 3 years now... maybe just two?


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