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27 February 2017 - Unfair Penalties

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1 27 February 2017 - Unfair Penalties on Sun Feb 26, 2017 5:16 pm

Jack

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Admin
Over two years ago now, you and your spouse were discussing your large house, how it had always been bigger than you needed, and what you were going to do with it now that your only son was in college. While the house was too big, you both hated the idea of moving, and the idea of just adopting another kid was mentioned. It was kind of meant as a joke, but both of you stopped and realized it was what you both really wanted.

After a few months, you'd taken all the classes and were approved. The first boy you took in, Jim, was a great kid, but he wasn't adoptable due to some family issues. You both liked him and were happy to have him, but you really did want to adopt, so you found another boy - Brandon. Brandon was cleared, the paperwork was done, and he was actually on his way, when a relative of his popped up, so he was stopped. You were sad, but before you could decide the Demon Murphy was working against you, it was pointed out that they had a sibling group - an older girl and two younger boys - and they were looking for somewhere to place all three of them. They were adoptable and great kids, so you took them. Then Brandon's relatives flaked out, and he ended up coming to you as well.

It took a bit of work, but you ended up adopting all five of them, and your life has never been crazier - or happier.

You used corporal punishment with the boys for a while. You had used it with your biological son, none of your boys had been abused physically, and their first friends (Jack Wells' kids) were both adopted and spanked, so you tried it with them, and it worked well enough.

Now the oldest of those two boys - Brandon and James - are 14 and 15, both high school freshmen, best friends with each other, and really too old for spankings in your opinion. You've been using grounding and restrictions basically since school started this past fall, though neither of them get into too much trouble.


Brandon and James are best friends
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Because James needs a little extra attention at school, he attends a local Christian Academy, while Brandon attends the public high school. This week, the two of them decided to pull a quickie so they could play around at a friend's house. They are allowed to either come home or go to their Uncle Jack's house, but they told Jack they were taking the bus home, then went to their friend's house. They thought they could get a ride home with their friend's big brother, but that didn't work, and they weren't close to Jack's house, so they ended up having to call you, which led to them admitting what had happened, and it turned out they didn't permission to go to the friend's house, because parents weren't home and they wanted to play some video games. Since the only video games you restrict them from are A(dult), you didn't bother asking more reason.

You did ask if they knew how many ways they'd screwed up, which they pretty much did, though you did help them count, just to be sure.

After checking with Jack, you mandated they go to his house after school indefinitely, removing some of their freedom. Then you made sure they understood they were completely grounded for a week, including a loss of all screen time and phones. They were only miserable at first. Then they realized that this weekend was Van's big birthday bash, and miserable didn't begin to describe it. They begged for whippings instead, but you reminded them that they were high school students, and that y'all had decided they were too old for whuppings anymore.

You thought the argument was finished, but they came back the next evening.

"Dad," Brandon says, "we talked it over, and we thought we should point out a few things. First of all, you're sending both of us to schools where we can get paddled if we get in trouble. Second, we didn't decide we were too old - you never asked us, you just did it. Third, you're always after us to make decisions, so why can't we help make this one. Finally, even Uncle Jack's kids that are older than us usually get a choice between getting grounded or whupped."

"PLEASE," James takes over. "We know we screwed up, but Van's birthday is really special. Since you always say we should help make decisions, we decided you should take our screen time for a week and whip us, instead of just plain grounding us."

"Please!" Brandon adds.

That makes the vote two to one - does majority rule?



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2 Re: 27 February 2017 - Unfair Penalties on Sun Feb 26, 2017 5:54 pm

jackson1


Wrangler
To the accusation "you're always after us to make decisions" I'm tempted to respond, "yes I sure have and also to face the consequences of those decisions".

I guess I would be open to modifying the punishment so they can go to Van's party and administer corporal punishment. However, I would make it clear if whuppings are administered then spankings are back on the table for any future misbehavior, this isn't going to be a "one off" change to discipline and since they're now older the spankings will be upgraded to make them age appropriate.

3 Re: 27 February 2017 - Unfair Penalties on Sun Feb 26, 2017 6:00 pm

David M. Katz

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Marshall
jackson1 wrote:To the accusation "you're always after us to make decisions" I'm tempted to respond, "yes I sure have and also to face the consequences of those decisions".

I guess I would be open to modifying the punishment so they can go to Van's party and administer corporal punishment. However, I would make it clear if whuppings are administered then spankings are back on the table for any future misbehavior, this isn't going to be a "one off" change to discipline and since they're now older the spankings will be upgraded to make them age appropriate.

I can't disagree with this approach.

Drop 'em, boys.


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4 Re: 27 February 2017 - Unfair Penalties on Sun Feb 26, 2017 6:28 pm

jackson1


Wrangler
I might then make a quick phone call then send one of them round to Uncle Jack's to borrow an age-appropriate paddle Sad

5 Re: 27 February 2017 - Unfair Penalties on Sun Feb 26, 2017 11:20 pm

AFinch

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Sherrif
""Dad," Brandon says, "we talked it over, and we thought we should point out a few things. First of all, you're sending both of us to schools where we can get paddled if we get in trouble. Second, we didn't decide we were too old - you never asked us, you just did it. Third, you're always after us to make decisions, so why can't we help make this one. Finally, even Uncle Jack's kids that are older than us usually get a choice between getting grounded or whupped.""

I think those are the key points, and the boys are correct. Personally, I'd just grant amnesty for the birthday party, as a "once in a lifetime special event". But if I'm too hard-nosed to make that accommodation, I'll agree to their proposal.

6 Re: 27 February 2017 - Unfair Penalties on Mon Feb 27, 2017 3:53 am

db105

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Trailboss
I'm with Kier. I probably wouldn't want to make them miss the special occasion anyway, but if I do, then I'd compromise and do what they request.

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7 Re: 27 February 2017 - Unfair Penalties on Mon Feb 27, 2017 6:16 am

Pi Beta

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RIP 9 Jan 47 - 17 June 17
I'll let them go to the party but at the cost of another day of grounding. I'm not going to let them choose a spanking at this stage, though when the grounding is over, we'll discuss it again.

8 Re: 27 February 2017 - Unfair Penalties on Mon Feb 27, 2017 11:48 am

Padraig

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Trailboss
Tricky one, but I like Pi's approach.

9 Re: 27 February 2017 - Unfair Penalties on Thu Mar 02, 2017 3:58 am

Jack

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Admin
The astute amongst you, who also follow my blog, will know what happened, since James and Brandon were not only at the party, but slept over the night before.

I knew about this because Mr. Mc called me to confirm that I do give my older boys a choice, and that it works for us. I honestly think it works because, while a lot of teens would see spanking as a childish and demeaning punishment, having the option to chose it and 'just get it over with' makes it an entirely different situation. I also think it works because of the culture that's built up around my house and our friends.

I didn't disagree with the punishment he'd imposed, because what the boys had done was not just dishonest, but very badly thought out, and only done to break a rule in the first place. On the other hand, from what he'd told me, I pointed out that it sounded like HE had made the unilateral decision to quit whipping them (which is his right, of course), but then tried to say they'd all three done it. In return, the boys said, 'nope, we didn't decide that, and we don't want it). He laughed at that and admitted that's exactly what he'd done.

Since they had already lost some freedom by being required to come here with their little brothers and wait to be picked up, he decided to accept their counter-offer, with one exception. The two of them served a completely grounding that evening - having dinner with the family, but spending the rest of the night confined to their room, except getting ready for bed. At bedtime, they were asked again, and then the two of them went side by side and got whupped. I think their screen time restriction was extended a bit, because it still applies until tomorrow.

I know the boys get the belt bare, but I don't know how many strokes or anything. When they showed up Friday, I told them I'd talked to their Dad. They were both blushing very much, but did admit he can still get the tears going. Oh, and when he picked them up, he made it very clear that, since they're the ones that put CP back on the table, justifying it with the excuse that I still paddle my older kids, I can treat them exactly like I would Van.

They were pretty embarrassed to hear that, but they didn't seem too upset about it.


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10 Re: 27 February 2017 - Unfair Penalties on Thu Mar 02, 2017 8:32 am

db105

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Trailboss
Well, isn't it nice when what they deserve and what they ask for happens to coincide? Smile

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