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BOTD 3/24/17 "Stan's Insolence (?) to Aunt Lucy" An 18Smacked Production

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David M. Katz

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Marshall
STAN'S INSOLENCE (?) TO AUNT LUCY
An 18Smacked Production

Your elderly and very straight-laced aunt Lucy has come to visit from New York. You wanted to make a great impression with her and really show off your family to her during her three week visit. She was very strict with you as a boy, and your bottom tingles even now when you think about simply fidgeting at the dinner table while spending the night at her house. You particularly wanted to have your 10 year-old son, Stan, make a stellar impression with your aunt.

Aunt Lucy was arriving on Wednesday morning at 10 AM, and you told Stan to be nicely bathed, dressed in his "going to church clothes" with his hair nicely combed and clean hands with no dirt under his fingernails. You really wanted to have your son look well-bred! You really wanted him looking sharp for her, so when he showed up at 10:30 AM looking like he had been trolling in mud, you were very disappointed at the impression aunt Lucy would get. Sure enough, she said "Well I never!" when she saw Stan. But, what really got under your collar was Stan's reaction when he was introduced to her. He never looked at her, didn't smile or even acknowledge her presence. He just looked at the ground and didn't say a word- quite the opposite of his natural ease in meeting new people at the house.

At lunch, once Stan got cleaned up, you hoped for a better attitude. But Stan sat glumly at the table, never looking at your guest, nor saying a word to her. In fact, she offered to take him to the ice cream shop in town for a sundae- something he regularly begs to have. He did not even acknowledge the invite! The insolence was beyond embarrassing; it needed an answer for why he was treating your aunt like this.
You called him to your room, and asked him why he was being so rude to aunt Lucy. "Because she came, I couldn't go with Jack, Alex and Joey to the fair. For weeks, we counted on all going together. Then, you told me she was coming, and I couldn't go. She even smells like an old lady! Yuck!" You reminded him that you and he went to the fair yesterday. "I wanted to go with my friends- not you!" He sure seemed like he had fun yesterday, though, and he told you that, too. And, aunt Lucy did have a heavy perfume she liked. But, does that entitle Stan to be rude?

Normally, Stan is a congenial and polite host to guests at the house. He is being anything but that today. How do you react to what he said about your aunt? Should you apologize for not having let him go to the fair with his friends? Or, should you warm his bottom with your hand- or even something more- for insolence to a family member. Or, is there a middle ground?


STAN - 10
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How will you react to Stan's behavior and the reason for it? Was it you who wronged Stan, or is he the one who is out of line here? What is your move?


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David M. Katz

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Marshall
Yes, it is posted very early. My apologies but I have some RL issues that pose a conflict today. Please enjoy!


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Y Lee Coyote

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Deputy
Of course I’m upset with Stan but this was all very avoidable.

To put it simply, I messed up!  My aunt Lucy is making a THREE WEEK VISIT and surely is not here to interview a ten-year-old great-nephew as to inclusion in her will.

I can not imagine that this visit has not been planned for months so there was amply time to resolve conflicts.  If she was to review the family on arrival (rather than rest after her trip) then this could have been worked out with everyone and avoid the problem.  Why wasn’t she met by me and flower-bearing Stan at the airport or train station?

Stan already feels unjustly punished so addition punishment is not appropriate.

I’ve even fell into the trap of trying to live my life over by trying to make my son do what I should have done years ago.  Certainly in a long visit, she going to see a lot of everyone and one predictably can not keep a boy pristine for that length of time.

Since school is out because we went to the fair yesterday and his plan were to go today aunt Lucy is going to wonder why he not in play clothes rather than his Sunday best.

Y.

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David M. Katz

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Marshall
Why in the hell would I invite the old bag to my home in the first place?  Are we making a play for inclusion in the will?  

Apparently she made my childhood miserable but I am not going to allow her to do the same to my son.

Coyote is right; this was avoidable.  I see no reason Stan's plans needed to change.  Had I not sprung this on him then he wouldn't be so sour.  I need to realize that going to the fair with the old man is different than going with your buds. I am sure we did have a good time but he will have a better time with his friends.

OK, here is what happens:

1. I tell Stan that I understand and apologize for what happened.  However, I will remind Stan that he should have presented himself better and showed some basic courtesy. No punishment, just a talk.

2. Stan goes to the fair with his friends. (On edit and re-read. Apparently the fair trip is today. I will pay for all of the boys to go together on another day if today cannot be salvaged.)

3. My son is allowed to be a "normal" boy and Auntie needs to realize that he might be dirty on occasion or be wandering around in his play clothes.

4. Auntie needs to shoot her high horse or she can go back from whence she came.

5. Stan will apologize to Auntie for his role in being rude and will graciously accept her invitation to ice cream. But, he can wear what he wants.



Last edited by David M. Katz on Thu Mar 23, 2017 4:55 pm; edited 2 times in total (Reason for editing : Clarification due to re-read)


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Pi Beta

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RIP 9 Jan 47 - 17 June 17
I'm largely in agreement with YLC - not exactly usual.

I've clearly been building up the pressure over the last few days or weeks on Stan, telling him incessantly what I want from him rather than letting him be his usual far more charming self. He's rebelling and with justification and it is I who need to be apologising to Aunt Lucy for not anticipating his resentment that for three weeks he's expected to be something he's not.

Jack

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Admin
Maybe I can see not letting Stan go to the fair on the first day of Auntie's visit, and maybe I can be upset with him about disobeying (about when to be home and ready on time). Beyond that, if the woman used to mistreat me for simply not sitting still, then it's obvious that I'm still suffering from Stockholm Syndrome. I'm dropping Stan at the Fair, and heading off to find a good shrink.

And three weeks? I don't think so.


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squarecutter

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Sherrif
I will tell Stan that for the first meeting it would have been nice if he'd made the effort. In fact first parent fail we should have insisted on it. I am also surprised this clash o dates with the fair could easily have been avoided and Stan needs to understand it is not the fault of his Great Aunt and I expect him to be more polite. Now I will explain to Stan and his Great Aunt separately that while there will be times and places over the next three weeks I am not expecting Stan to be on parade for the whole period. He will and must be allowed to be a ten year old boy and both will understand that it is is his parents standards Stan will be held to. Now if the whole day is not shot we will resurrect the fair visit provided Stan will show some grace as well. Or may it can be on another day. There is no reason Stan and Great Aunt Lucy cant get along if both give a little

StevieWeeks

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Trailboss
I'm putting Stan up for adoption...

Adric

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Cowboy
This one is too difficult for me to answer, because I am pretty sure that I don't like Aunt Lucy. I also don't like her staying at my house for three weeks. It will be difficult enough to keep my own insolence in check without having to stamp out Stan's as well. The more compliant and well-bred among you will have to field this one.

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ivor

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Marshall
Guess it is too late for Lucy to have a ball???

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db105

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Trailboss
I'm missing some important data in the writeup. It seems she raised me very strictly and that we have rather different ideas about childrearing. The question is: why do I care so much what she thinks? Why is her visit so long? Am I hoping to get in a good position to inherit or what? Without understanding the situation I can't really answer the BOTD.

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MemoryMan

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Sherrif
OOP's!  She must be rich and I obviously had an ulterior motive when I invited her, and now I've shot myself in the foot.  

"You wanted to make a great impression with her and really show off your family to her during her three week visit."

Stan was the ace in my pack ("Normally, Stan is a congenial and polite host to guests at the house.") and I failed to brief him properly, instead alienating him by being autocratic and demanding.

Three weeks to go - All is not lost - yet. Her attempt to befriend him with ice cream hints that she's mellowed somewhat and appears now to be kid friendly.  So its become a salvage operation.  I'll have to take Stan aside and apologise to him before explaining the situation in terms he can understand.  Then I'll need to do whatever is necessary to get him on side and recover his charm before turning him loose on her and crossing my fingers.

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