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BOTD 4/16/17 BOTD (Easter) "Defending Benji" A DMK Production

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David M. Katz

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Marshall
DEFENDING BENJI
A DMK Production

You have two sons. Connor is fourteen and Benji is five. Benji was an unexpected but very welcome addition to your family. Connor dotes on his little brother and is very protective of Benji.  Benji's opinion of Connor can only be described as worship. The brothers, despite the age difference, get along famously.

Connor is subject to spanking as it still seems to be an effective punishment for him. Benji is subject to only a few light hand swats over his pants.

Connor has been having an issue with his language.  You are aware that boys Connor's age use profanity but Connor lets his language slip at very inappropriate times. Connor is on warning about his use of profanity.

Today is Easter Sunday and your family is gathered at church.  After church there is an egg hunt for the younger children. Benji is excited to be part of the egg hunt and Connor is right there on the sidelines to cheer for his brother.


CONNOR - 14
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The egg hunt is on and Benji is an egg finding beast and soon his basket is getting full. One of the older children (a seven-year old boy) who has not been as successful as Benji starts stealing eggs from Benji's basket.  Connor sees what is happening and, despite the fact that the thief's mother is running to intervene, stands up and begins screaming at the boy. Connor's screams of disapproval include several choice words of profanity including the dreaded F-bomb. The entire assembled congregation has now turned their attention away from the egg hunt and are all gawking at your older son. You are able to get to Connor and send him to the car.  The egg hunt finishes despite the thieving seven-year old and the foul-mouthed fourteen-year old. Benji found the first prize egg!


BENJI - 5
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Connor maintains he was just defending his little brother.

How do you deal with Connor?


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AFinch

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Sherrif
Connor will be told there is an appropriate way to defend someone, and an inappropriate way. And that language appropriate with other 14 year olds is not necessarily appropriate around 5 year olds, 7 year olds, or adults. Because it's Easter, he's on final warning (otherwise, he'd have crossed a line). Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven is the mantra I was taught. But it better not happen again.

18Smacked

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Cowboy
I am reminded (once again!) of something my Dad used to love to tell me: "It's not what you say, it's how you say it!" I will tell Connor that he has tried my patience to the limit, and should he forget time and place again, there will be no more forbearance from a spanking for him. It is time that he learns his lesson for once and for all.

I agree with Kier- since it is Easter, I will "keep the peace" and not spank him today over this, but next time, I will not be seeing it this way, again.

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Adric

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Cowboy
David M. Katz wrote:Connor is subject to spanking as it still seems to be an effective punishment for him. ... Connor is on warning about his use of profanity.

Unfortunately for Connor he is already on notice and this is a particularly serious mistake considering the circumstances in which it occurred.  I'll start with a lecture along the lines that Kier suggested, and then he can come with me to the garage to lean over the hood of the car while we finish our "conversation".

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Jack

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Admin
I am going to point out that first, he was not defending Benji. His words didn't do a thing to protect his little brother. What he was doing was releasing his own ire. Second, I'll remind him that this is exactly the reason I don't like him cursing at all - you get into a habit and it's very hard to control when you really need to.

I'm going to remind him that he's already on warning for exactly this type of behavior, and I'm going to ask him what he thinks we should do. Honestly, I should probably soap his mouth and give him a few firm paddle swats. I don't know if a holiday is enough reason to delay things, but I do understand why he did it, and, as bad an example as it might set, I'll probably let it slide one last time, but only with the understanding that it will not slip past again, no matter what the provocation or circumstances.

HOWEVER, next Sunday, Connor will request a few moments to address the congregation, not matter what else happens.


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StevieWeeks

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Trailboss
Stevie thinks Connor needs a good, soapy enema...

ivor

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Marshall
Egging your little brother on is one thing, but this is beyond a yoke.

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squarecutter

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Sherrif
Such language while offending adult ears and the lack of control shown. Then the example set to several small children including little Benji. I'm not certain the statute of limitations operates just because its Easter.. Hes old enough to wait till we get home and then we will be going to a private place so Benji wont be upset, bent over and paddled

David M. Katz

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Marshall
Jack wrote:
HOWEVER, next Sunday, Connor will request a few moments to address the congregation, not matter what else happens.

Uh . . . he's already addressed the congregation. Razz


Seriously though, I think this is the best response. I think having to stand before a group of people and admit to and apologize for this situation will prove more effective than any spanking.


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kalico

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Sherrif
Ditto the one above me.....agree




Hugs kal

Y Lee Coyote

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Deputy
Reading the responses one immediately gets a sense that there is only one interpretation of the facts as described.  However, there is a lot of blame to share and Connor’s loud but non-physical response made others aware of trouble and uncomfortable.  He is but the messenger.

Connor surely thought that both his beloved little brother and himself were in a safe and secure environment however, unfortunately, they were not.  There was at least one thief.  A bully who was repeatedly stealing a little boy’s treasures, certainly with threats -- real or implied.  Perhaps the criminal’s mother was rushing to intervene but how is Conner to know that?  What is she shouting -- “Give those back” or some term of endearment for her little darling?  There are many mothers about who could be rushing about for many reasons.  What about the adults that should be supervising to prevent the little ones from being trampled by the bigger kids?

Has there been a history of trouble with the thief that Conner knows about?  This too would increase Conner’s anger.

I can not help but to think of money changers being chased some two millennia ago.  I doubt that the words used then were polite then either.

At worst Conner was rude but reacting to physical crime and sinning.

All this being said, Conner does need to learn to curb his tongue.  He was, after all, in a church yard with mostly good people and not a batch of criminals.

Y.

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MemoryMan

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Sherrif
An OTT but commendable non physical response in defence his little brother.  One that has, at least, served the purpose of exposing the identity of a thieving little toe-rag to the rest of the congregation.

Sending Connor to the car has also demonstrated my own reaction to his use of profanity.

When we get home we'll discuss the incident - verbally.  There will be no spanking this time.

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