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5 May 2017 - Statute of Limitations

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1 5 May 2017 - Statute of Limitations on Thu May 04, 2017 4:53 pm

Jack

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Last year, not long after school started, you had brought home an expensive chess set that you had been wanting for a while. You felt all your kids were old enough to understand 'don't touch', and you made it very clear that they weren't to play with it without your permission. You liked it so much that you displayed it on your mantel. About two weeks later, you went to play a game with a friend of yours, and found that several of the pieces were broke. You were very mad, not just because it was broken, but because no one would admit what happened. You have no way of knowing exactly when it happened, so you have no idea who did it. You don't believe in punishing everyone for one persons actions, so no one was punished, though you made it clear to all the boys that you were very disappointed in whomever was hiding behind their brothers. Personally, you promised yourself that you'd take the hairbrush to whomever it was if you ever caught them.

Your boys

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Today, nine months later, you were walking into the kitchen, where 12-year old Matt was visiting some of his friends, and you heard him telling them that he'd broke your chess set, and he'd felt really bad about it, but that he'd been too scared to admit it.

Matt talking with his buddies.

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What happens next?


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2 Re: 5 May 2017 - Statute of Limitations on Thu May 04, 2017 5:56 pm

AFinch

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Sherrif
In a court of law, 9 months would definitely fall within the statute of limitations. But this isn't a court of law, and I serendipitously overheard a conversation not intended for me.

Right now, I'm going to pretend I didn't hear. Once Matt's friends go home, we'll have a discussion. The conversation will have more to do with my disappointment in concealing this information for so long, than what he actually did. Nine months after the fact, I can't see where a spanking is going to have any disciplinary, in the sense of teaching something, effect. It would just be vengeance.

3 Re: 5 May 2017 - Statute of Limitations on Thu May 04, 2017 6:09 pm

Y Lee Coyote

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Matt wrote:...but that he'd been too scared to admit it.

Now this is more than SCARY.  I better find out what I'm doing wrong that my son is that scared of me.

Y.

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4 Re: 5 May 2017 - Statute of Limitations on Thu May 04, 2017 6:33 pm

18Smacked

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Y Lee Coyote wrote:
Matt wrote:...but that he'd been too scared to admit it.

Now this is more than SCARY.  I better find out what I'm doing wrong that my son is that scared of me.

Y.

I totally agree with this perspective. If I cannot ascertain why my son is afraid of me, then there is serious need to enlist the services of a family friend or possibly a trained professional who can help do this.

This is far more involved than the cost of any valuable chess set.

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5 Re: 5 May 2017 - Statute of Limitations on Thu May 04, 2017 7:39 pm

squarecutter

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Sherrif
I think I should have thrown some carrot in with the stick. Its clear a hairbrush came between me and Matt. agree with Keir. For the sake of our relationship we have to get past this chess set

6 Re: 5 May 2017 - Statute of Limitations on Thu May 04, 2017 9:03 pm

AFinch

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Sherrif
I don't think a 12 year old being afraid of a spanking means that there is a problem with a relationship between father/son. I think most 12 year olds would wish cast they wouldn't get caught, though most of the time, they wouldn't manage to keep their misbehavior from dad.

7 Re: 5 May 2017 - Statute of Limitations on Thu May 04, 2017 11:42 pm

Kat

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Editor Extraordinaire
I agree with Kier that the ship has sailed on spanking. I do, however, think that I need to talk to Matt about what I overheard. Rather than spank him, I'm going to have him make restitution. I'll take into consideration his age and how much money he receives for chores and allowance or from other sources. Then I'll figure out an amount that reflects his ability and a repayment schedule that doesn't go on forever.

Kat

8 Re: 5 May 2017 - Statute of Limitations on Fri May 05, 2017 3:03 am

ivor

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Marshall
On the basis that Matt has been spanked before and survived, I have to conclude that he was genuinely scared of what you would do to him simply because you were "very mad". For that reason he didn't admit what he'd done but the crime has been on his conscience since.

I think that in this situation a talk with him after his friends have departed based on you happening to have overheard what he was telling them, and ending by asking him what he would wish you to do to appease his feelings of guilt.

http://www.malespank.net/listAuthor.php?author=Ivor+slipper

9 Re: 5 May 2017 - Statute of Limitations on Fri May 05, 2017 4:20 am

Jack

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AFinch wrote:I don't think a 12 year old being afraid of a spanking means that there is a problem with a relationship between father/son.  I think most 12 year olds would wish cast they wouldn't get caught, though most of the time, they wouldn't manage to keep their misbehavior from dad.  

Thank you.

I 'survived' spankings any number of times but I was still scared of getting the next one. I think I'd actually be a bit more concerned about kid who came up and said, "oh, I did it - spank me now' (at least from a standpoint of finding a new method of correction).


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10 Re: 5 May 2017 - Statute of Limitations on Fri May 05, 2017 4:30 am

MemoryMan

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Sherrif
Some punishment is merited and I like the way Ivor's calm appraisal of the situation gives Matt the chance to respond in a calm, if fearful, manner and gain some ownership of the ensuing penalty.

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11 Re: 5 May 2017 - Statute of Limitations on Fri May 05, 2017 3:18 pm

David M. Katz

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Marshall
ivor wrote:On the basis that Matt has been spanked before and survived, I have to conclude that he was genuinely scared of what you would do to him simply because you were "very mad". For that reason he didn't admit what he'd done but the crime has been on his conscience since.

I think that in this situation a talk with him after his friends have departed based on you happening to have overheard what he was telling them, and ending by asking him what he would wish you to do to appease his feelings of guilt.

I'm stealing this answer and making it my own.


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