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BOTD Extra: 28 June 2017 - Fairplay

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1 BOTD Extra: 28 June 2017 - Fairplay on Wed Jun 28, 2017 4:49 am

Jack

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You have one son of your own, who is nearly 20 years old and is in college, though he still comes home for summer and holidays.  With him, you always used corporal punishment - though as he reached high school, he gave you less and less trouble, and you used restrictions more often.  Even then, your paddle or brush stood by for the rare case he violated the restrictions.  For the  most part, he either accepted and followed the restrictions or was very careful and lucky about violating them, because you only caught him a couple of times.

About five years ago, you remarried, and now have three step-sons.  Nolan and Clayton are now 15 and 16, and Eli - the youngest is 11.  While Eli doesn't really remember his father, and is totally accepting of you as his dad, it's a bit different with Nolan and Clayton.  The two of them (especially Nolan) were never totally accepting of corporal punishment, and things just weren't as smooth as they had been with Doug - your oldest and biological son.  After some discussion with your spouse and the boys, and a bit of experimentation, you moved to grounding and restrictions with them, though with the same caveat you had with Doug.  Both of them have felt the paddle, more than once, for violating their restrictions.  They seem to have figured out that it's easier just to do the restrictions and get it over with, and things have been pretty calm for months now - with just the occasional, expected trouble from teens, and slightly more regular spankings for Eli, that are usually quickly over and done with.


Clayton (16) and Nolan (15)
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Today you had some fairly major trouble with Nolan and Clayton.  You talked to them, confirmed what had happened, and that they knew they were in trouble.  You sent them to their room for the day, so you could talk things over with your spouse.  You were trying to balance all kinds of things, and finally announced that they were both completely grounded to the house with no phones.  The only exceptions were that Nolan would still go to his driver's ed courses, so Clayton would be grounded one day less to balance that.   Both boys complained about how unfair it was and nearly got into a fight, before you settled it down.

An hour later, Eli was in bed, your spouse was reading, and you were about to catch up with some television, when Clayton came to you.

"I'm sorry about fighting earlier."

You thank him for the apology, assure him you understand, but remind him he needs to relax and think before he starts saying things.  He nods, accepting it.

"I have a ton of things going on right now - I'm practicing band stuff with some friends, and I'm working out with some of Uncle Jack's boys for soccer.  I understand we screwed up, but being grounded is going to major screw things up and not just for me.  Couldn't you just go ahead and whup me like you used to do Doug?"

While Doug never had a choice, it's true that your friend - Clayton's Uncle Jack - does often give his boys some choice.  Is it something you'll consider?  Would it be a school type paddling or a more embarrassing, longer, over the knee session?  Will this be a one off, the start of something, or will you wait and see? And if you do this for Clayton, will you offer Nolan the same choice?


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2 Re: BOTD Extra: 28 June 2017 - Fairplay on Wed Jun 28, 2017 7:46 am

AFinch

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Generally, I'd say no. Punishment isn't meant to be convenient for the boy being punished, and if plans get messed up, that would be part of the punishment.

But in this case, the plans are not just inconvenient for Clayton; they're going to affect his band mates and his soccer team as well. He asked, I didn't offer. I will ask him if he's sure, and if so, I'll allow it. It will be a school type paddling. I'll wait and see whether it becomes part of our regular arsenal or whether it's a one-off.

3 Re: BOTD Extra: 28 June 2017 - Fairplay on Wed Jun 28, 2017 10:41 am

David M. Katz

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Marshall
I generally agree with Kier but my issue is that there are two boys in trouble.

I need to bring Nolan in to this. He needs to have the option of a paddling as well or he needs to be accepting that his brother is going to not be restricted while he is.

I agree that this punishment impacts more than just Clayton so I will probably paddle him and I will strongly encourage Nolan to also go ahead and get it over with as well.


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4 Re: BOTD Extra: 28 June 2017 - Fairplay on Wed Jun 28, 2017 10:51 am

Jack

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AFinch wrote: they're going to affect his band mates and his soccer team as well.

Just to keep the record straight - Clayton is working out now in hopes of making the first string soccer team when school starts. He's afraid to go off training, but it won't really effect the team (except maybe in the abstract).


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5 Re: BOTD Extra: 28 June 2017 - Fairplay on Wed Jun 28, 2017 11:13 am

db105

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Trailboss
I actually prefer CP when appropriate, and getting it over with, which is why I used it with Doug. The reason I do not use it by default with Clayton and Nolan is that they might not accept it as easily, since they became my stepsons only a few years ago. If Clayton does not have a problem with it, I'm willing to change my default method. I will paddle him like I paddled Doug at his age. So that there is no misunderstanding, I'll explain to Clayton what that entails. If he accepts, then I will inform Nolan of his brother's request, and I'll tell him that in fairness he'll have the same choice: continue with the grounding or change it for a similar paddling.

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6 Re: BOTD Extra: 28 June 2017 - Fairplay on Wed Jun 28, 2017 1:16 pm

kalico

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Sherrif
I'm more inclined to give him the same amount of time as the drivers ed his brother has and add the day to his grounding, let him choose to spend it on either the band work or the soccer practice.... I think this will help him realize if he wants to be free to do what he likes for the summer then he needs to stay outta trouble....I didn't give his brother that option knowing he had drivers class stuff.....



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7 Re: BOTD Extra: 28 June 2017 - Fairplay on Wed Jun 28, 2017 3:43 pm

Peter_Z

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Wrangler
I think I will warn Clayton that his mates will see his marks when he showers after his sport.
If he still want it - he should get it.

8 Re: BOTD Extra: 28 June 2017 - Fairplay on Thu Jun 29, 2017 4:18 am

MemoryMan

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Sherrif
Clayton has accepted that his wrongdoing is deserving of punishment, he regards it as too onerous and is making a plea for mitigation.

....things have been pretty calm for months now - with just the occasional, expected trouble from teens,

Taking the overall background into consideration don't see any need to be hard ass over this.

He can have his whupping and Nathan can also have the choice.

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9 Re: BOTD Extra: 28 June 2017 - Fairplay on Thu Jun 29, 2017 12:36 pm

Jack

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Admin
Let me start by saying that this is not exactly a real life scenario. It's kind of a combination of a couple of different events. I am trying to do some updates on our older friends who just don't get mentioned as much, and I realized I could put a lot of information on how Dean's step-sons are doing into a scenario and share it like this.

The majority of this incident came from May, as we were reaching the end of the school year. There is often a lot going on - a lot of it is just fun, but some of it's not. Clayton started off trying to convince Dean that some allowance should be made for his school activities, but a lot of them didn't qualify, and he finally just asked to get a whipping and get it over with. Dean considered it, discussed it with Traci, who okayed it, then they talked with Nolan... Who thought his big brother was insane.

Clayton did get worn out - something comparable to what a full week's grounding would deserve - bare, over Dean's knees, with the bath brush.

There was a little trouble later in the week, when Nolan decided he was tired of being grounded, but Traci stepped up (again) and told him he'd had his choice and made it. He was apparently pretty sulky for while, until Dean suggested he could be grounded and spanked, if he really wanted. That probably didn't improve his mood, but he did do a better job about not pushing it off on everyone else.

The rest of it came because the boys were grounded last week, though only a couple of days. Dean had a GPS from when Roland (Doug's cousin - Tristan's big brother) got in trouble a few years ago, and it was put in the car. Clayton and Nolan were grounded the same amount of time, but, since Clayton has been taking Nolan to driver's ed, Clayton was allowed some free time while his brother was in class. He just can't use the car after they get there, and has to be home on time.

Dean says the issue of spanking instead of grounding hasn't really come up again, but he and Traci have discussed whether to allow it or not.

Eli is doing just fine, and is much more accepting of Dean as his father figure, and the sore bottoms that go with that.


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10 Re: BOTD Extra: 28 June 2017 - Fairplay on Sun Jul 09, 2017 12:55 pm

Adric

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Cowboy
I agree with Dave Katz on this one.

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