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5 August 2017 - A Blast from the Past: Rhyme Time, but Is It a Crime? - A Kat Production

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Jack

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Admin
Blast from the Past -- 1965 -- Rhyme Time, but Is It a Crime?
A Kat Production
(Inspired by Pi Beta's Trevallion stories)

You are the headmaster of an independent school for boys. However, some of your staff are women. Today, your new chemistry teacher, who is also young and attractive, has sent fifteen-year-old Nigel Evans to you. Miss Hunt noticed Nigel's giggling classmate had passed him a piece of paper. On it was a limerick in Nigel's handwriting (which he admits he wrote):

The new chemistry teacher Miss Hunt
Likes to go down the Thames on a punt.
If the punt should get stuck,
Then why not just f--k,
After all, what's the point of a c--t?

Nigel - 15
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Nigel claims he should only be punished for passing a note rather than receiving a more severe punishment for vulgar language and disrespect. He points out the limerick has no actual profanity.

Does his argument convince you?


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MemoryMan

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Sherrif
No ...but but keeping my face straight as I prepare to cane him will tax my headmasterly skills.

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Zac

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Cowboy
I can't see that argument convincing anyone, even Nigel Evans himself but I suppose he has to find some straw to clutch at.



[Digression: This vaguely reminds me of a scene from a film which I think was called 'The Country Girls' and think was made for or by Channel 4 in the UK in 80s. It was set in Ireland, possibly in the 50s. At some point near the end of the film one of the girls passes a note to the other during a church - probably the school chapel - service. One the teachers, who are nuns, see this and grabs the note. After she read it she goes almost berserk, drags the girls out and starts slapping them as soon as they are outside. Then parents are called in and I think there were expelled. It has been a long time since I saw it and I can't be sure even that I have got the right film. The note contains a four line verse which was very lewd and explicit even if it did not contain any actual profanity]

Plagosus


Cowboy
Never mind the obscenities, the prosody is imperfect. That alone merits a sound thrashing.

Adric

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Cowboy
I'm with MM on this one. Spare me the sophistry. Nigel gets the cane.

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AFinch

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Sherrif
In 1965, he's toast. The argument is no more convincing than if he'd written it in pig latin and thought no one else would understand.

There's a similar episode in William F. Buckley's "Saving the Queen" which ends with an extraordinarily well written birching. It's an excellent book as well.

StevieWeeks

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Trailboss
He's getting six of the best for not knowing how to write a limerick properly... even an idiot like Stevie knows that the verse is not correct and all...

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StevieWeeks

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Trailboss
THIS is a limerick:



There was a young man from Devizes
Whose balls were of different sizes
One was so small it was no ball at all
but the other one won several prizes.

Zac

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Cowboy
StevieWeeks wrote:THIS is a limerick:


There was a young man from Devizes
Whose balls were of different sizes
One was so small it was no ball at all
but the other one won several prizes.

It doesn't have enough lines to be a limerick. Possibly a Clerihew.
Limerick or Clerihew, it is more than enough for you to join Evans in the queue outside the headmasters office.

ivor

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Marshall
I'm afraid that as a Headmaster who has lived a secluded and bachelor existence I cannot think of any two letter that would fit into each of those blank spaces and make sense.
Therefore young Evans will have to fill in the blanks for me and when he has done so we will look up the words in a dictionary.

What we discover there will determine the outcome - but it will almost certainly be s.x of the best.

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Jack

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Admin
"That's a very good point, Evans. Tell me what those two missing words are, and I'll let you have four on the hands instead of six of the best."

Part of me just wants to ask if he even believes that.

"No, sir, but I thought it was worth a try."


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Peter_Z

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Wrangler
six of the best - for sure!

Kat

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Editor Extraordinaire
Jack wrote:"That's a very good point, Evans.  Tell me what those two missing words are, and I'll let you have four on the hands instead of six of the best."

"Well, sir, the words are 'fork' and 'cart'. I know it doesn't rhyme or even make sense, but I can't be responsible for other people's dirty minds! And you can just ask Mr. Plagosus and Mr. Weeks if I'm not rubbish at writing verse."

Kat

db105

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Trailboss
Not convinced by his excuse. He can have the punishment for inappropriate language.

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Jack

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Admin
Kat wrote:
Jack wrote:"That's a very good point, Evans.  Tell me what those two missing words are, and I'll let you have four on the hands instead of six of the best."

"Well, sir, the words are 'fork' and 'cart'. I know it doesn't rhyme or even make sense, but I can't be responsible for other people's dirty minds! And you can just ask Mr. Plagosus and Mr. Weeks if I'm not rubbish at writing verse."

Kat

If he could come up with that quickly, and say it believably, I would let him off - that kind of mind should be encouraged.


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Kat

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Editor Extraordinaire
Jack wrote:
Kat wrote:
Jack wrote:"That's a very good point, Evans.  Tell me what those two missing words are, and I'll let you have four on the hands instead of six of the best."

"Well, sir, the words are 'fork' and 'cart'. I know it doesn't rhyme or even make sense, but I can't be responsible for other people's dirty minds! And you can just ask Mr. Plagosus and Mr. Weeks if I'm not rubbish at writing verse."

Kat

If he could come up with that quickly, and say it believably, I would let him off - that kind of mind should be encouraged.

Laughing

Plagosus


Cowboy
Kat wrote:
Jack wrote:"That's a very good point, Evans.  Tell me what those two missing words are, and I'll let you have four on the hands instead of six of the best."

"Well, sir, the words are 'fork' and 'cart'. I know it doesn't rhyme or even make sense, but I can't be responsible for other people's dirty minds! And you can just ask Mr. Plagosus and Mr. Weeks if I'm not rubbish at writing verse."

Kat

Well...

Fork does not rhyme with stuck, nor cart with punt.

Reminds me of the song about the gardener one line of which was: "He's the best forking forker in the whole forking land."

David M. Katz

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Marshall
There once was a boy writing verses
And those notes contained several curses
He'll yell out in pain
Six strokes of a cane
Will some want to call out the hearses?

(It's the best I could do at 1:30 in the morning.)


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